I had known him for several years in a small work environment before he became the dearest part of my life... a man who impressed everyone with his honesty and underlying sense of integrity… such a pleasure to know.
I actually remember thinking, during our early days, if my life with Jesse only lasted a short time - I knew they would be the best years of my life and I would have found happiness. How strange now to recall such an ominous thought. We started dating in our 40’s. We were married on Friday, September 13, 1989, en route to our first Monterey Jazz Festival together and AGAIN on Friday, July 13, 1990 in Seattle for the family. It was a lovely day.
Jesse brought so much happiness and joy to many. A rare man who faced all of life with the excitement, challenge and never ceased to strive to make life more pleasurable for everyone he knew. It seemed his gift to all. He was rewarded with friends who loved him beyond most.
Eugene was his life-long friend since the age of 7 on Staten Island. They joined the Marines together as soon as they were old enough. He prayed God would take him instead when he learned of Jesse’s illness. A few months before the end, Eugene flew out to California just to be with us and drive us to Grand Canyon in a motor home so we could all share a vacation together. He drove every single mile. He started sending boxes of food STUFF… things of their childhood… even pizza sauce and dough overnight from Jesse’s all-time favorite pizza place in NY, Denino's… so close a friendship.
Richard was a friend of Jesse’s, lurking in the background for almost 20 years when, in desperation, I needed some assistance immediately and, with no family nearby, couldn’t think of anyone to call to help me the day after Jesse came home from the hospital after his biopsy - Anaplastic Astrocytoma, Grade III, diffuse and inoperable. From that moment on, Richard and his family became our closest support system. Who would have ever thought this rough, mountain-man of a tool maker would prove to be so sensitive to such tribulations? A heart of gold.
Then, of course, there was Nancy, my own sister. Although living in Seattle, she traveled up and down the coast constantly for months - to the detriment of her job and family, to help in any way she could, She and Jesse would talk 3 or 4 times by day, then talk in the BT chatroom at night. Later she and I would talk while Jesse slept. She was MY staying power and HIS intimate friend. Five days before Jesse died, Nancy’s daughter, Sherrie gave birth to her first child, a beautiful girl she named Jessica Fe, for Jesse. We call her "Jessi Café" these days. He treasured the thought of her and spent his last days thinking of little else than that tiny baby who was hospitalized for breathing problems just like he was having. She is perfectly fine now.
Several others were so dear during those days… Don, his business partner, so willing to deal with the hardships; Jesse always said he was married to Don by day and me by night - they were so close. Jim & Diane broke my heart to see them suffer so at the hospital the night before Jesse died… Jim Bones always projected a sense of calm and understanding through those hard months and shocked me when I found him wandering the halls of the hospital that day looking for Jesse. He had dashed down from Sacramento unannounced, certain that something was wrong because he couldn’t reach us by phone. He drove me to the airport to pick up Jesse’s mom just a couple of hours after he died and never left my side throughout the day of the memorial service. He often said Jesse was one of the few men in all of his life who looked him straight in the eye when speaking and projected complete honesty. JR, who had helped Jesse and his dear Mother through the loss of Jess’ older brother just a few short years before, appeared out of the blue, again taking up the cause, along with his wife Kathy… the vigil was heart-wrenching.
These people sacrificed so much to help us through such difficult times. It was done for the love of Jesse. I understand now that Jesse spent his life cultivating such warm and wonderful relationships; more than I can possibly list here. His legacy was leaving so many loving friends. I see the world differently having known his thoughtful and kind ways.
Jesse is survived by his dear mother Carla Livingston, he always referred to her as "Mother Dear", his sister, Maggie O’Hare, many extended family members, and me - his wife of almost 7 years. I will treasure his memory and love him forever. My life will never be the same without him.
Jesse Jaros January 15, 1947 to July 20, 1996 (and a wonderful world in between)
Thanks, my love… it was precious
